Lessons Learned In Paris

The good news is, out of 100 pianists competing this year in the 28th Competition for Outstanding Amateur Pianists in Paris, I was the one out of nine of us who by-passed quarter finals and went straight to semi-finals. I was in shock and on cloud nine. In the end, I was one out of 12 semi finalists.

The Preliminaries

It felt great to wake up every day in Paris, hop the metro and practice at the conservatory of music where my wonderful friend arranged for me to have a practice room each day. I felt like the other Parisians who walk quickly with a distinct sense of direction and purpose.

On the day of the preliminaries, I woke up with butterflies. I think I ate 2 crumbs of something and dealt with the discomfort of jitters all day. I arrived early, snuck into the hall (I figured I'd ask for forgiveness later) and with no one looking, tried a few pieces on the incredible piano. When showtime came - I was physically shaking during my Scriabin, but kept it together, completely went into "the zone" and then some with the Rachmaninoff and Moskowski. (You can watch the video at the end of the post.) And knew I gave it everything I had.

However, I went back into the hall, to hear the others and there were so many top level musicians playing that each time one played better than the next, my heart secretly sank a little, thinking, no way I'll get selected next to them.

The Results .....

To pass time, my family and friends went to go eat something (Croissants never tasted so good in my life!) and I swear, the clock started ticking backwards. Finally - we went back to the hall for the welcoming party - and the results - and lo and behold, there I was. First on the list of semi-finalists. I cried. I laughed. I was the ONLY WOMAN!

To add to the pressure, the woman who MC'd the event told me that no woman had ever made it to the finals in 28 years. So, I felt more determined than ever!

The Semi-Finals

The next day, I didn't waste anytime and hopped on the metro once again and put in about 3 hours of practice to make sure I was prepared for the evening's performance and for the next round if I proceeded to finals.

I was ready. And did everything I knew to do from praying to yoga breathing techniques, self talk, winner's mentality - you name it I tried it.

Even when we gave the Uber the wrong address by accident and wound up driving all over gridlocked Paris for 90 minutes - arriving FIVE minutes before I was supposed to play - I stayed calm and kept my head focused.

I got on stage, looked at all 200+ people including the 30 or so seated on the little stage with me, smiled and began. All started well, and then without warning, BAM! I lost my footing and simply couldn't find my notes. With cheeks aflame and feeling the collective cringe - I knew I had no way out, but to just start again which of course is competition death. And figured, "well, play your heart out Vivienne". and so I did. Second time around, I nailed it - even if it was too late. I then went onto the Chopin and nailed that too, until the climax where once again, had a mini wipe out without warning - in a place that has never ever failed me.....and then I heard the judge's bell ring. And just like that it was over.

Comfort

Thank God, my amazing husband, mom, aunt and cousins were there. Because I'll tell you, when people see you fall, they get uncomfortable and NO ONE made eye contact with me as the audience left the hall. So, I went out with the family who buoyed me up, I finally got to drink that beer and came home and had a good long cry.

Lessons Learned

I woke up this morning with a different attitude. After a helpful chat with my cousin Sam who works with the best of them in music management, I remembered that while last night was a bust, that doesn't take away that fact that I did place. And I came further this year than last year. And here are the lessons I come away with from this year's experience:

1. I LOVE PLAYING THE PIANO!

2. I love the preparation process

3. Deadlines and Goals motivate and elevate me.

4. I have the most incredible support system in the world and am eternally grateful for that!

5. Competitions are just weird and I have very mixed feelings about them.

6. I need to give some concerts without judges and interrupting bells.

7. But I will probably do more competitions.

8. Life is messy. It's great one moment and ridiculous the next, but in the end, it's all good.

9. I am not a quitter.

10. One day, I will be a woman finalist and winner here in Paris.

I love you all!

XOXOXOXOX

Video of The Preliminaries